Everything is so surreal, almost as if my phone is going to light up with a weird phone number and when I answer it’s you. I talked to you 10 hours before I found out you were gone. Jokes about my car, missing you. I left off telling you to be safe and that I loved you. Even though you didn’t reply I know you did. I’ve never doubted that.

The girls miss you. Bella doesn’t know yet, but she’ll grow up and forget you. She will point you out in your pictures but she won’t remember our trip to Chambers. She will never know her sisters big brother.

I’ve loved you everyday since August of 2006. We were back and forth for the last 5 years but for me it is better then not having you at all. Ever since you told me you wanted to join the army I asked you to not. Eventually I knew I couldn’t stop you and supported you. Now I wish I pushed harder. You were only gone for a few months. I’m glad you took off November instead of waiting for later in the year. God knew and wanted us to see you one last time.

When you first left I used to have nightmares about your funeral and finding out you were gone. Now I’m living that nightmare. I haven’t left my house since. People are writing on my wall, sending me emails. It’s nice people knew how close we were, my parent’s finally acknowledging how much I loved you.

All I can say HB, is that I love you where ever you are and I know every time I see 11:11 on the clock or a shooting star fly across the sky I will think of you and all the joy and faith you’ve brought me in the last 6 years.

ILYAINFY